A Guide to 21st Century Relationships
Erika Hudson
Some people believe that there is no such thing as "the perfect match" -- this isn't quite true. There really is someone for everyone. Seems simple, right? Just look around until you find that perfect person, and you're golden. Problem is, almost no one can ever be happy with what they already have. Everyone in a relationship wonders if they're missing a more wonderful person -- a smarter, prettier, richer, nicer, funnier person than they already have.
It's not really our fault though -- its merely a side effect of 21st century society. Instinct compels us to try and improve anything we can, so rather than improve ourselves along with someone else, we want someone who is already perfect. Many people walk into the dating scene expecting to magically fall in love with Mr (or Ms. Right). Unfortunately, it's not that easy -- and many people never learned the steps required to build a solid relationship. I never learned how to date or build a relationship when I was young, and its only now that I'm realizing the importance of friendship. Instead of using the logical part of our brain to chose a real mate, we convince ourselves that we're wild about the wrong person.
It seems today that all we want is immediate gratification -- but a relationship based on immediate gratification isn't a solid relationship. In most cases, such a relationship is typically centered around physical attraction, and is often notable for its lack of emotional connection. In other cases, the relationship exists solely for the purpose of existing -- each person holding on to the other merely for the sake of having someone to cling to. In either case, the relationship is doomed from the beginning.
Reading through the above, you might get the impression that those seeking love are out of luck. Fortunately, that's not the case; relationships need not fail, provided they are based on friendship. Friendship builds trust. Without trust, your significant other is potentially always cheating, always doing the unthinkable, always looking for someone better than you. The need to know who, what, when, and where becomes an 24/7 hour obsession -- a ticking timebomb, attached to the foundation of relationship. Friendship breeds confidence, and a relationship without confidence is prone to be nerve-wracking for both parties.
So how you ensure that you have a trusting, comfortable relationship? Throw out the "upgrade" mentality (stop looking for the next best thing), don't base a relationship on looks alone, and learn to start by just being friends.
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